"A Clay on Words" for December 16th

Well, it would seem that "Professor" Aiken is still a bit under the weather because tonight's word is a repeat of Monday night's offering. Too bad. One would think that since he now has not one but TWO music dictionaries he could come up with a suitable word to help educate his audience this evening.

Oh well. I'll let him slide this time. Ear infections are know to play with one's head, literally. ;-)

So, instead of the usual, this would be a good time for me to post a little something I found on the Internet that may explain why Clay did so poorly in his music theory class.


Musical Terms Commonly Misunderstood by Country & Western Musicians with Their Translated "Country" Definitions

• 12 Tone Scale: The thing the State Police weigh your tractor trailor truck with.
  
  
• A 440: The highway that runs around Nashville.
  
  
• Aeolian Mode: How you like Mama's cherry pie.
  
  
• Altos: Not to be confused with "Tom's toes," "Bubba's toes" or "Dori-toes."
  
  
• Arpeggio: "Ain't he that storybook kid with the big nose that grows?"
  
  
• Bach Chorale: The place behind the barn where you keep the horses.
  
  
• Bass: The things you run around in Softball.
  
  
• Bassoon: Typical response when asked what you hope to catch and when.
  
  
• Big Band: When the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players.
  
  
• Bossa Nova: The car your foreman drives.
  
  
• Cadenza: The ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair off when company comes.
  
  
• Cello: The proper way to answer the phone.
  
  
• Clarinet: Name for your second daughter if you've already used Betty Jo.
  
  
• Clef: What you try to never fall off of.
  
  
• Bass Clef: Where you wind up if you do fall off.
  
  
• Conductor: The man who punches your ticket to Birmingham.
  
  
• Cut Time: Parole.
  
  
• Cymbal: What they use on deer-crossing signs so you know what to sight-in your pistol with.
  
  
• Diminished 5th: An empty bottle of Jack Daniels.
  
  
• 1st Inversion: Grandpa's battle group at Normandy.
  
  
• Major Scale: What you say after chasing wild game up a mountain; "Whew!" That was a major scale!"
  
  
• Melodic Min.: Loretta Lynn's singing dad.
  
  
• Minor 3rd: Your approximate age & grade at the completion of formal schooling.
  
  
• Order of Sharps: What a wimp gets at the bar.
  
  
• Passing Tone: Frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues.
  
  
• Perfect 5th: A full bottle of Jack Daniels.
  
  
• Perfect Pitch: The smooth coating on a freshly paved road.
  
  
• Pianissimo: "Refill this beer bottle."
  
  
• Portamento: A foreign country you've always wanted to see.
  
  
• 1/4 tone: What most standard pickups can haul.
  
  
• Relative Major: An uncle in the Marine Corps.
  
  
• Relative Minor: A girlfriend.
  
  
• Repeat: What you do until they just expel you.
  
  
• Ritard: There's one in every family.
  
  
• Sonata: What you get from a bad cold or hay fever.
  
  
• Staccato: How you did all your ceilings in your mobile home.
  
  
• Tempo: Good choice for a used car.
  
  
• Time Signature: What you need from your boss if your forget to clock in.
  
  
• Transpositions: Men who wear dresses.
  
  
• Treble: Women ain't nothin' but.
  
  
• Tuba: A compound word: "Hey, woman! Fetch me another tuba Bryll Cream!"
  
  
• Whole Note: What's due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year.
  

Maybe he should try one of these words Monday night -- betcha no one will have these definitions in their dictionaries... LOL!

Carry on and rest up!
J

PS - in response to a message I received eariler today, let me quote the immortal words of Bugs Bunny -- "of course, you know, this means WAR!" ;-)